Why I Liked... The Oscars (2011)

(Hosts: Anne Hathaway, James Franco)

I got completely sloshed.

(in fact, I’m glad I’m not driving today, I think I still am a little)

Considering how the Academy Awards were only really started to add a touch of class to the then-seen sleazy film industry, it sure has come a long way to becoming now The Award To Win. Like the Palm D’or isn’t as important. Or the BAFTA. Or the Golden Bear. Or the Genie (HAH! Who am I kidding?).


No, the Oscars have become a pivotal moment in the validation of oneself, in the business. Everybody wants one-even I’ve practiced my acceptance speech in front of my mirror, clutching an empty water bottle in my hands, trying to sound shocked and inarticulate within the confines of my bedroom.

Here’s the thing about the Oscars, though-it’s a popularity contest. Remember how in high school, you’d vote for the next student president? And how even though the position meant nothing everyone was gunning for it? And how people won because they had the best stickers/campaign video/posters? It’s exactly the same.

Obviously mine's still in the mail. Bastards. 

Occasionally, on that cold, blustery day in hell, the dark horse will win, and that’s the year everyone goes ‘see? talent won over popularity, so ipso facto...the Oscars are Legit!’ and then we go back to who’s coolest, who’s most exotic, who’s the most likable.

This was not the year of the dark horse (in fact, it’s the year of the rabbit! tee hee).

I have yet to write up my review of The King’s Speech and The Social Network, but I’d like to think you all know where I stood on them based on my previous Oscar post (see ‘Oscars’ tag)-The King’s Speech has Oscar Bait written all over it, is cheesy at times, but effectively a Good Film and had a very strong performance from King Firth. The Social Network will now forever be one of those films where one day, people will watch it and look at it as a piece of history a la Citizen Kane.

Like Kane, The Social Network tells a story of greed, power and the need for acceptance. Both have a pretty unhappy ending and feature isolated main characters. And while The Social Network is a lot more blatant and obvious about who it’s depicting, Citizen Kane remains in the shadows, names have been changed, etc.

And like Kane, The Social Network did not win last night, despite my best wishes for it to. Years later, Citizen Kane is widely regarded to be the Best Film of All Time. Is this something to look for for The Social Network?

Ok, but enough. Enough. I need to talk about the show itself.

Ok. So. The show.

He looked stoned the entire time.

I really miss Billy Crystal. And Hugh Jackman, actually.

For First Timers, Anne Hathaway and James Franco really did not hit it out of the park. I think they struck out most of the time, actually. And that’s the extent of my baseball knowledge and the end of this metaphor.

I will admit to laughing quite a bit at their little jokes, but most of it just seemed so very...out of place. Anne would make a quip about bringing in the young demographic, but was that clever or a little crass, admitting to their hosting being a matter of viewership numbers? I can’t tell, I was a little tipsy by then.

Deciding to go the Billy Crystal route of inserting themselves into the nominated films must have seemed like a great idea, it having worked so well for Crystal in the past, but the jokes tended to be a little flat, the timing off, the clips unconvincing.

So trying to imitate Billy Crystal? Didn’t work.

But you know what did work? The freakin’ montages the editors made for each category. Um, hello, how awesome were those? Those, along with autotuned Harry Potter, is what I’ll remember most from this show. The former had me riveted, the latter had me in stitches while trying to contain myself in front of my decidedly sober sister.

Another nice touch was having all the winners come out on the stage at the very end-I can get behind that for ceremonies to come, but I have to say-the kiddie choir has got to go.

One of these things is not like the other.

In summation, I’d like to thank the Academy for giving the award to Aaron Sorkin (Best Adapted Screenplay), for Kirk Douglas being awesome, and to the now empty and waiting to be recycled bottle of Santa Margherita Pinto Grigio, year 2009.