Why I Liked... War Horse (2011)

(Dir. Steven Spielberg Starring: Horse from Seabiscuit)

I love horses and horse films.

Except...well. In Black Beauty the horse was the narrator (with an incredibly impressive vocabulary for a horse). National Velvet had a young Elizabeth Taylor in a stunning role. When I saw The Horse Whisperer, it was roughly around the same time when I had my first fall off a horse. And Hidalgo had Viggo Mortensen in it.

‘Nuff said.

War Horse, on the other hand? Was incredibly pretty. Seriously, the cinematography was GORGEOUS. Some very clever images thought up, and in an interview Spielberg himself said that while accused of having used matte painting for his backgrounds, none were used. So, major judos goes to the Location Manger. Seriously, well done.

Here’s my thing though-again, keep in mind that I love horse-based films, ok? But...we have to go through an awful lot of Horse to get to the War. And I get it, I really do-the young boy, Albert (Jeremy Irvine) has to bond with the horse, Joey (played by multiple horses, but main credit goes to That Horse from Seabiscuit).

Look at my horse, my horse is amazing.

And normally, this is the time of the film where we learn that the animal has some sort of rebellious, playful personality, whose respect has to be earned by the human. This time? I was bored. So. Freakin’. Bored. And that’s the worst thing you can ever really say about a film, really-actively hating a film is great because at least you’re actually thinking about it and interacting with it. But being bored? Terrible.

Especially at the beginning of a two hour plus horse movie.

Once we get to the War itself, it becomes apparent what the film is actually about-the Horse, of course! And how us humans are so quickly reduced to quibbling masses of love whenever we come into contact with a horse. Which really just...it either means that horses are the solution to all the world’s problems or that no matter what the squabble, no matter what side you’re on-there’s always something you can both agree on. Germans and Englishmen alike trying to make sure the horse (Joey) gets free, and take pride in Joey being able to do the work assigned to him (i.e. pulling shit).

So we’re not all that different after all! Right? Right.

But that’s not the film I wanted or expected to see. Maybe because I hadn’t seen the play or read the source material (a children’s book), but what I wanted to see was something that Spielberg has already established himself a professional in-War, and then a loveable animal creature we want to just sob over whenever it gets its feelings hurt.

Horses + swords= super good idea.

Well, I didn’t get Band of Brothers (admittedly, not directed by, but produced by Spielberg) on Horses, but that’s what I kinda wanted. However, again, knowing the source material was a children’s book? Well, it’s easily explained away as a way to show the horrors of The Great War through the eyes of someone who can only be partial to those who treat them with love and affection and food-a horse named Joey. And so off around war torn Europe (well, France) Joey trots, meeting one person after another, each of them affected by the war, torn from their homes in some cases, but all of them forming a lasting bond with Joey. Which is lovely, really.

But boring.